Decisions for Success!
Recovery requires certain decisions and commitments. In order to ensure your own recovery, below are some common scenarios and decisions (in no particular order) that I’ll ask you to commit to. You can also read the rationale for each item below:
Depression with low energy or anxiety with avoidance of your negative emotions: You must agree to do written homework no matter how you’re feeling (depressed, anxious, unmotivated, angry, burned-out, etc.)
Rationale: Depression and anxiety almost always result from distorted thoughts that cheat you out of happiness/relief. The recommended way to realize and escape this trap on both a logical and emotional level is to consistently do the written homework especially when you’re feeling negatively. Not doing the homework when you feel negatively is saying to yourself, “I prefer to continue fooling myself and to continue feeling negatively.”
Anxiety of any type: You must agree to actively expose yourself to your fears now rather than waiting or putting it off.
Rationale: Nobody is entitled to confidence until they’ve decided to repeatedly face their fears head on and endure intense discomfort. Some form of exposure is necessary to recover from anxiety. There is no way to “prepare” to be ready ahead of time. In fact, the more preparation and putting it off you do, the more scary it will be. It’s recommended that you get it over with now rather than later.
Truancy/Not Going to School due to Mental Health Symptoms (for minors): You must agree to go to school consistently and stay for the duration of your school day no matter how depressed/anxious you’re feeling.
Rationale: Your depression/anxiety are usually reinforced by NOT going to school. In addition, truancy can become a legal issue that can involve steep financial and legal penalties that subtly influence the way your parents/guardians and other authority figures will treat you. The way out of these two traps is to agree to go to school consistently despite your depression/anxiety. Once you’re going to school consistently, your odds for recovery will be much, much higher.
Difficult Relationship you want to mend: You must make a firm decision to either stay and take full accountability for changing yourself or choose to end the relationship.
Rationale: The middle ground (stay and maintain the status quo even though it’s miserable) doesn’t require any tools or help to accomplish. No tools will be useful if you chose the middle ground in my experience. The tools are usually only useful if you decide to take accountability by changing yourself or by ending the relationship.
Suicidality of any severity: You must agree to remove suicide as an option for yourself for the rest of your life no matter what.
Rationale: Recovery involves learning to be satisfied and accepting of your own life in all its pain, difficulties, and cruelties. It then involves learning the tools to continue to live in spite of these negatives. The suicide option is both philosophically and practically opposed to recovery. Suicide is a method of escape from life’s ups and downs.
Physical self-harm of any severity (eating disorder behaviors, self-mutilation, cutting, scratching, stabbing, etc): You must agree to remove self-harm as an option for yourself for the rest of your life no matter what.
Rationale: Similar to suicidality, physical self-harm runs counter to recovery both philosophically and practically. There’s very little chance of recovery happening for you if you believe that a human being (even if it’s yourself) should be allowed to be physically harmed for any reason. Your mind and body are one. If you harm your body, you will harm your mind as well. To reiterate as mentioned above, even eating disorder behaviors such as binging or restricting also count as physical self-harm.
Any history of problematic substance use, substances which mask your emotions, or substances that give you a euphoric high: You must agree to get off the substance(s) and abstain for the rest of your life no matter what.
Rationale: Relatively “benign” substances can also be included such as marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol. While the tools for recovery are powerful, they’re almost completely useless when you’re using substances. Those who stick with complete abstinence recover by being able to do the hard work of therapy and continue to get better throughout their lifetime. Those who do not stick with this commitment oftentimes put themselves at risk for painful relapse and end up sabotaging their own hard work.
Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder or Schizophrenia: You must agree to take medications consistently and regularly for the rest of your life no matter what.
Rationale: When you become manic or psychotic, you will not respond at all to any amount of talk therapy. While on medication, you can take care of the hard work of therapy for all aspects of your life. The medications will take care of the manic and psychotic episodes.
Anxiety being treated with rescue or as needed medications: This includes benzodiazepines, sleep hypnotics, and any other medication taken for when you get anxious (propranolol, gabapentin, quetiapine, etc.). You must agree to get off those medications permanently and never rely on them ever again for the rest of your life no matter what.
Rationale: These medications are all subtle forms of avoidance. Avoidance reinforces and strengthens your anxiety. Every time you take a rescue medication for anxiety, you’re buying into the idea that your anxiety really is indisputable, that something bad really will happen, that your anxiety really is incurable, and that you have no personal ability to influence your thoughts/feelings. The recommended way out of the trap is to remove the rescue medication as an option permanently.